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Empowered

“You’ve always had the power dear, you just had to learn it for yourself.” Glinda – Wizard of Oz

What does it mean to step into your power? To own your power?

It has taken me nearly 32 years to understand what it means to step into my power, and even now I don’t think I have fully grasped it, but I do have more of an understanding.

What does it mean to be empowered? For a long time I gave me power away, allowing others to decide things for  me, this meant I did not have to fully engage with life. I could quite easily float along and let things happen to me instead of for me. I never put myself first and I never said what I would like to say, I said what I thought others would like to hear.  I went with the flow even if it meant I didn’t really want to do something or didn’t really enjoy what we were going to do, I did so to keep the peace. You see my dominant personality trait is peacekeeper, and I would avoid confrontation at all cost even if it meant me being anxious and unhappy.

In the last few years circumstances have forced me to step into my power.  Why they had to be so extreme I don’t know but perhaps that’s the only I would rise up become who I am meant to be.

I am still on a journey of learning how to step into my power and I still try to avoid confrontation but each time I make a decision that comes from my heart, that resonates with me at my core essence I feel an inner strength rising from somewhere deep inside, a strength I have always had but just did not know how to access it. You see we have always had the answers inside of us but fear can prevent us from accessing these answers.  The fear can be so real and so big that it blocks out your inner wisdom, inner knowing, your inner light. I read something the other day, I forget where, but it said “how do you use fear to get you to where you want to be?”. This has been stewing inside me for awhile because I resonate so well with fear preventing me from getting to where I want to be, how can I use it my advantage? And that’s when I realized that that is what self empowerment is all about, forging forward despite the fears and anxieties despite fearing what others might think of me. The sense of empowerment that comes from moving forward despite your fears is what can drive you forward.

I have been grappling with something for the last few months, a decision I know I need to make but fear is preventing me from making it. I feel like I am in a comfort zone and starting to get a bit stuck. You see this decision I need to make will force me to step into my life, it will force me to take myself to the next level. It will force me to step into my power even more. But it is damn terrifying.  So damn terrifying that the fear is paralyzing me.  It has become so intense that it is starting to show up in my body.  The stress of not making the decision is resulting in my body holding onto everything just a little too much, protecting me, trying to keep me safe.  As a result everything is feeling a little tight, my neck and shoulders, my knuckles, my hands and even my clothes!

So you may wonder how I can know all this information and still not do what it is I need to do?? I wonder too!! I think it is the humanness in me, the little inner child who just wants to feel safe, nurtured and loved. The inability to trust life and jump in with both feet, heart first. What I have come to realize is that we don’t have to do everything in one giant leap. We can take it step by step. I have taken small steps to get to where I currently am, writing all this down, peeling off the mask is another step. Publishing this on my blog will be yet another one. All pushing me forward, leading me to the next step that I need to make in order for life to take me to where I need to be.

So back to the question of “how do you use fear to get you to where you want to be?” I think the answer is “step by step”, keep putting one foot in front of the other, moving forward slowly but surely.  There is this misconception in life that when we get “there” we will be happy. But where is “there”? The destination is always changing because life is constantly moving, you don’t have to wait to arrive before you can be happy.  Choose to be happy now, choose to face your fears every single day and keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep stepping into your power.

*First published May 2016*

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